hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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