All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry about my life...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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