That's intense
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He felt like a one man threesome
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
