...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
