my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
