he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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