If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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