so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
