Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
