On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
