It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
