If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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