did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
