There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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