So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize