ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
