i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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