She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
