haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
