why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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