Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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