she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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