oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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