It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
