Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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