Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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