I heard we made out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love having hate sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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