remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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