I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
