after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
