In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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