Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
