I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
