The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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