Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
