look no pants
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
