when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
