wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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