How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
