How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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