i think i scared a bird with my dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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