I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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