Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
