How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
