is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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