a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
