after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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