I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
