The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
