And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
