I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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