Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was born a porn star she said
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
