??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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