No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
