I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
