is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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