you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
