White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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