dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish i was in the wii world.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
