She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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