I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
