drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
