You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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