she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
