Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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