I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
