I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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