I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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