Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
