i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
