so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
