Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
