So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
