How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
